Today’s Guest : Tomisin Awosika.

Hello guys. Meet my friend, Tomisin, a.k.a, Shiki. She’s the ‘cooler-than-a-freezer’ kind, so you ought to be imagining how coool she is. We attended same high school and by next week Wednesday; God willing; I’d be saying that we attend same University. She’s here to share one of her Proudly Nigerian stories with us. Enjoy x

 

TOMISIN SAYS :

 

  Danfo Bus.

I was seated in a danfo bus yesterday, putting on my three-quarter jeans, sweatshirt and brogues, going to The Palms Shopping Mall, since that’s what I do every Wednesday. While in the bus, I wanted to form Alakowe (Yoruba term for an educated person), so I brought out my Style Mania Magazine, the one with Kemi Adetiba as cover girl and was steady admiring the works of Kelechi Amadi Obi, Godson Ukaegbu and Bimbo Bimpe Onakoya. What a virtuous job they were doing. I thought. With my headphones on, listening to Jhene Aiko’s album ; Souled out,  I managed to squeeze myself in between a big lady that smelt of fish, who carried a leather bag  that was already peeling off, and a man wearing a suit, holding a satchel and just staring out of the window like he was trying to remember something. Judging by his look; pale face and overworked self; it seemed he had been looking for a job.

I was completely enjoying my solitude when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Wey your money ?” It was the conductor. he looked filthy and unkempt, like those people who spent their nights anywhere they found comfortable to sleep, and only to wake up in the morning struggling to find somewhere to bathe. He sort of reminded me of the definition of poverty (God forgive me), and the feeling I always had towards poor people; pity. His clothes, I was very sure, hadn’t been washed in days. With his face cap and bulgy eyes, he stared at me. I quickly dipped my hand into my pocket,  brought out the one thousand naira note mum had given me to take the bus and gave it to him.

“I say if you no get change, make you no enter. Abi you no hear me so ?” He said. “If I no give you change, make you no wahala me oh. na serious business we dey do here.” I heard a passenger hiss and another, laugh. I stared at the conductor and the lady behind me who seemed to have been watching the whole scenario. I shrugged and then continued in my soothing solitude situation.

Few minutes after, before we got to Lekki Phase One. The big lady who smelt of fish said, “You had better collect your change from this madman. That’s how they all act. Tell you they never have change and just run away with your money.” She spoke like an Alakowe too. One who had studied business administration maybe, and ended up becoming a teacher, I guessed. I nodded at her then tried obeying.

“Conductor! Conductor! Conductor!” I almost screamed. I called him a bitch under my breath, feeling so angry already, because he had even decided to snob me. Then he looked at me with those bulgy eyes of his. “My change.” I snapped, looking serious by given the largest straight face any one could imagine.

“I don tell you say make you no enter if you no get change. abeg, no disturb me.”

“So you no go give me my change abi?” I said loudly, my pidgin matching his. Different thoughts started running through my head. ‘What if he doesn’t give me my change?’  ‘How would I get home?’ ‘Would I still watch October 1?’

“My change. Conductor, my change!!” This time, I yelled and everyone in the bus was staring at me. He snubbed me again. Now most people in the bus had started shouting, “Conductor, give her the change!”

“Yes, my change.” I had lost my cool now. The chilled chic who boarded the bus from Ajah had now become the crazy agbero from Ajegunle filled with rage and ready to beat the shit out of this man. I could hear other passengers arguing, some had even made it a topic for the ride.

We got to Sandfill or ‘Sanfill’, like it’s pronounced by most Lagosians. I alighted from the bus with my magazine and held the conductor at the rim of his shirt.

“My change, I no go ask you again o.” I barked.

“No dey holl me o. Shebi na mouth I use talk am say make you no enter without your change. Abi you no hear wetin i talk?” He squeezed his eyes and rolled it afterwards. I stared at him with repugnance. And just as vast and filthy as he was, he pushed me away from him. Before I realized what hit me, the bus had started moving. I could hear shrieks and barks from co-passengers inside the bus.

“Conductor! Heyy!!!! Hey!!!” I yelled, trying to run after the already moving bus.

Just as my heart sank, I scrutinized him take off with my eight hundred and fifty naira change. I stood there for a while,regretting why I didn’t take the Obalende bus instead, though it was two hundred naira. Maybe if I had let go of fifty naira, I’d have been eight hundred naira wealthier. I could still feel my legs, which was a surprise to me. So I managed to make it to The Palms without any assistance. I didn’t know how excruciating it felt till I made it to the movie theatre with just Popcorn and I felt incomplete. It was then I placed my face on both of my hands and felt a tear drop.

Hey. I think I am the only one anticipating the major motion picture of Americanah . Book written by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, starring, Lupita N’yongo as Ifemelu. To those of you who don’t know who Ifemelu is, let’s just say the book revolves around her.

Thanks, Aunty Somto for the priviledge to share this story. Your blog shall grow, and will be fruitful and multiply. Lol, I am already sounding eerie. Thanks, hope you enjoyed it, and if you didn’t, thanks also for clicking the exit button. This is a serious thing we doing here, It shall be well. 🙂 Lupita Americanah

Tomisin, I have to congratulate you for making my fingers hurt. 1,048 words, only you. I thank God this isn’t a personal experience. LOL, She should never have got off the bus in the first place. Ahh, where is 850. We will look for change oh. At least, one other passenger must have change. What nonsense? Is there money tree in my father’s house? Shiki, I tried to make your post a little ‘Nigerian’-ish. I admire the Nigerian spirit. And now that you mentioned the motion picture of Americanah. Let me anticipate too. But Lupita N’yongo starring as Ifemelu ? Oh well. I don’t know but Chimamanda herself seems perfect for Ifemelu. You are welcome. Prayer warrior. You sef you will multiply.